Out of filters

All I know
is that I draw myself a line and then
drag my toe a long it
like I'm cutting life from death

All I know
is that I keep my fingers crossed
that something will go wrong
so that my worries will be my dreams again

All I know
is that I've lost the meaning of choice
when I look at their shoes and their manicures
I think I'm already gone

All I know
is that I'm living in between lives
station to station waiting for the phone call
waiting for the time between my classes
counting numbers just to keep my place

They tell me how to place my bricks
where to put my feet
how to feel for my face
to know if I am smiling
until I don't want to use the terminology

I just want to rhyme words nonsensically
to disrupt the logic of anti-logic deconstructed ideology

The greatest resistance is to be child
and look at everyone wide-eyed
so that they have to explain themselves
and can't hide behind felt-tip pens and recipes

I am out of time because I have made reservations for the rest of my life

How did we forget each other?

I tried to listen only to the voice inside my head
but it multiplied and divided into shards of glass
refractions of light
white noise and grey channels

I miss the arguments the most
when you made me feel like being back in your arms was the victory

Now I ride the bus, like a responsible adolescent
and live in brief moments when friends make me laugh

but mostly I just live dumbfounded
trying to keep my mouth closed to hide my shock and horror
at forgetting everything but the
skeleton of who we were